Potty Training Boot Camp

Earlier this week, a friend pinned several links on Pinterest about potty training, specifically the idea of "potty training in just one day."  The concept sounded outrageous, so naturally, I had to read the articles.  First of all, it isn't necessarily what it sounds like.  The idea is that you devote one entire day to the potty training process as sort of a kick-off for your kid.  It certainly doesn't mean you're done by that evening.  This is why I have dubbed it "boot camp."  You spend one day (or more) really intensely focused on the goal at hand, and, theoretically, it should go a long way toward developing proper habits.  As we are actually HOME this week (finally), I decided now was as good a time as any to kick it up a notch, in terms of potty training.  I am so thankful I have this time at home with Aubrey over the summer so we do have the opportunity to focus on developmental issues like this that would otherwise be much more challenging if she remained in childcare for the summer.  And my goal is to send her back to childcare in August WITHOUT diapers, or at least only for nap time, if necessary at that time.  So here's how our first day of Potty Training Boot Camp went:

Taking advice from several articles that I read (including this one and this one), I gathered the following supplies: cotton training pants, towels, M&Ms, salty and sweet snacks, Crystal Light, stickers, an extra-large Post-It note, board books, and my iPad (loaded with several preschool apps).  Several articles recommended going bare-bottomed all day, but I opted to make a really big deal out of the "big girl underwear" (training pants) and see how it went using those.  My uber-modest child also doesn't enjoy being undressed for more than a few minutes at a time, so I wasn't so sure the no-pants option would go over very well.  Turns out this decision worked for us, but obviously I think it's a personality thing.  The second recommendation that I read from several sources was the idea of setting a timer for a set interval and having your child go sit on the potty every time the timer went off.  I personally believe this might be more fitting the younger the child is (and less experienced with the potty), but since Aubrey is nearly two and is already familiar with going potty, I skipped the timer.  After she found out there were rewards involved, it didn't take much prompting to get her in there anyway!  So here's how the day went:  I had told Aubrey yesterday (in a very overly-excited tone, of course) that today was going to be "special potty day" and we would have no more diapers, so when she woke up, I reminded her and told her she got to wear "big girl underwear" today.  After putting on said article of clothing, along with a t-shirt, we had a normal breakfast routine.  After a reasonable amount of time, we took a family trip into the bathroom where I had already posted the extra-large Post-It note on the wall at toddler height.  I told her if she went pee-pee in the potty, she would get an M&M and she would get to put a sticker on the wall.  Her eyes lit up upon hearing "M&M," as childcare has exposed her to these sweet treats (unlike home where she doesn't really get sugary foods).  After this first trip to the potty being a (relative) success, it was only minutes before she wanted to try again, also with successful results!  Our day continued as usual, with a combination of Aubrey requesting to go to the potty and me reminding/telling her to go potty.  If she sat without "going," a simple reminder of the rewards usually prompted the desired results.  I spent the morning keeping her thirsty with the salty and sweet snacks (raisins and Goldfish, mostly) and pumping her full of liquids (Crystal Light from "Mommy's cup", in our case, because I'm anti-sugary drinks, and she also thought it was the best thing ever).  The books and iPad came in handy when "going" took some time.  And I'm happy to say we really didn't need the towels much.  We only had two accidents all day, and I take the blame for the first one because we switched activities without going potty in between.  (I couldn't have planned a better scenario for an accident though... we were outside and she was standing barefoot in the grass!)  I am so pleased with how today went.  I am pretty exhausted from having to stay focused all day (okay, being 34 weeks pregnant probably has something to do with the exhaustion, as well), but I could not have asked for better results for our first shot at ditching the diapers.

A few notes:
-M&M's worked for us because she DOES NOT get these kind of treats otherwise (other than occasionally at childcare).
-Same deal with Crystal Light.  Aubrey only drinks milk and water, with the occasional breakfast smoothie, so this was a real treat for her.
-I believe part of our success is due to Aubrey's good communication skills.  She is VERY verbal and understands the majority of what I say to her, so explaining what I wanted her to do and what she would get in return really worked well.  Had we tried this several months ago, I don't know that we would have gotten such good results.  Also, as I mentioned, she has been working on going potty for some time now, so this is not a foreign concept.  I can't see doing this kind of thing as your very first introduction to the potty.
-We are still using Pull-Ups for nap time and night time.  Some people believe in "ditch the diapers and never look back," but that didn't seem realistic for us.  I'm cutting back her liquid intake for the last hour before sleep to see if I can help her learn not to wet herself, but if that part takes some time, I'm okay with that.
-One of the articles I read mentioned that the parent needs to "maintain possession" of whatever treat or reward is being offered.  I like this idea and completely agree.  The immediate reward was ONE M&M and ONE sticker.  In addition, she got to use the iPad for a period of time after a successful trip to the potty, but there always came a time when I said, "Okay, all done.  Let's play with a different toy."  If you just flat out GIVE your child something (new toy, etc.) for a successful trip to the potty, you no longer have control of the motivation.
-The stickers were a nice addition to the edible treat because they are "permanent."  Aubrey and I excitedly counted them at the end of the day (13!) and she seemed to be proud of herself.

Work or Love?

I read an article yesterday that my friend Katie posted from the Huffington Post.  In it, the author, a mother of three young children, articulated why she so despises the countless times that people in public places will, in one form or another, tell her to “Carpe Diem,” or cherish the time that she has with her small children.  She makes the point that we can’t actually cherish every single moment of every single day (if we try to, we will drive ourselves nuts), but rather we can look for certain brief moments each day that are “cherishable.” 

In the way that this woman hates being told to “Carpe Diem,” I hate hearing the quote, “Do what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life.”  This is pure crap.  I can accept that there probably are, somewhere in the world, those unbearably positive, optimistic individuals, who may actually feel this way about their jobs, but for the vast majority of us who don’t live with our head in the clouds, a job is still a job.  Work is still work.  Even if you love it. 

I am a teacher.  I know that this is the job that best fits my skill set.  As a Christian, I know that this is the place where God has called me to be for this season of my life.  It is a job that is fulfilling and rewarding.  I leave each day feeling like I’ve actually accomplished something (not always as much as I would have liked, but at least something).  Yet, it is still work.  Hard work, at that.  Anything worth doing is hard, at least at certain points or in certain ways.  It is the kind of hard that makes me go home in tears some days.  It is the kind of hard that keeps me up some nights.  It is the kind of hard that makes me question whether or not I am doing it well enough.  Despite all of this, I still know it is the job that I am supposed to be doing and that I am designed to do.  It is still fulfilling and rewarding.  Yet I struggle to say, “I love teaching.”  So when I hear people say, “Do what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life,” I wonder several things: Why don’t I feel this way?  Is it because I don’t love teaching?  Why don’t I love teaching?  If I don’t love teaching, knowing that’s where I’m supposed to be, what do I love?  Do I love anything?  I don’t think I love anything!  At least, not in that kind of way.  Not in the “do this and it will make you enough money to live off of but still not feel like work” kind of way.  I love my family, but that’s not exactly a “thing” or a “job.”  Those are people.  And even if we’re talking about the job of being a mom and raising a family, there again I find myself back at the point that the author of the “Carpe Diem” article mentioned, which is that parenting is HARD WORK.  It will still feel like work, even if you love it.  So, why do I have such a hard time saying, “I love teaching”?  I was unbearably encouraged in the “Carpe Diem” article to read a quote from an author that was being interviewed.  He was asked, “Do you love writing?”  He answered, “No.  But I love having written.”  I don’t know that I ever would have thought to express it that way, but I think this fits how I feel.  Do I love teaching?  Not always.  But I do love having taught.  I love the result, the product, the change, the impact.  Do I love the process?  Not usually.  I hate getting up in the mornings.  I hate having to be to work on time.  I hate when lessons don’t go as planned or students don’t behave as expected.  Am I pretty decent at managing these issues?  Sure.  Does that make it “easy” or “non-work-like”?  No!  But it sure feels worth it when the end of a science lesson about the elements on the periodic table is cut short and the kids shout out, “Oh man!  We were just getting to the good part!”  (Are you kidding me?  Elements?  That’s what gets you going?)  Or when I’m reading an incredibly well-written book to the class, and they moan at the end of a chapter, “Oh please read just one more!”  This I love.  This is what I drag myself out of bed for.  Do I love teaching?  No.  But I love having taught.

A Real Woman

I have been thinking and meditating on Proverbs 31 a lot recently, specifically since the passing of my Mema.  There is something fascinatingly beautiful about that passage of scripture to me.  I don't know if it is the innate home-maker spirit in me looking for self-justification and self-worth, or, more realistically, the reality that some of the most influential, most powerful, most spiritual women I have known have fallen pretty clearly in line with the character sketch laid out in this chapter.

^10-31 A good woman is hard to find,
   and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
   and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
   all her life long.

I hope with all my heart for this to describe me.  I hope to always be worthy of being treasured by my husband.  I hope never to treat him spitefully, but always generously.

She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
   and enjoys knitting and sewing.

The idea of providing for my family something that I have made with my own hands delights me. 

She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
   and brings back exotic surprises.

I like to read this line as, "She experiments with weird ingredients in the kitchen and serves cheeses whose names you cannot pronounce."

She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
   for her family and organizing her day.

Yep.  While this is a part of my life, I can only hope one day to do it with the kind of hospitality and generosity of my Mema.

She looks over a field and buys it,
   then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.

While marriage is teamwork, I also strive to have the kind of independence that gives me the boldness to make well-thought-out decisions for the benefit of my family.  And I'm dreaming of the day when the gardening part is a realistic option.

First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
   rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
   is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.

I have to work at the "eager" part.  I find that I have to remind myself that the worth is more than monetary.  My work is significant, both for the lives of the students with whom I come into contact, and for my family so that I can help provide for their needs.

She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
   diligent in homemaking.

I'm trying to be.

She's quick to assist anyone in need,
   reaches out to help the poor.

Marriage has been the biggest catalyst for hospitality and generosity for me.  I love that our home is a place of ministry where we can entertain, comfort, feed, counsel.

She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
   their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
   and dresses in colorful linens and silks.

Okay, so us Floridians don't have to worry too much about the snow, but I do attempt to stay on top of buttons that need reattaching, hems that need repairing, and old clothes that need repurposing into new clothes.

Her husband is greatly respected
   when he deliberates with the city fathers.

While my husband would be well-respected without me, I certainly hope that I always am an additional cause for respect, rather than shame, to be brought upon him.

She designs gowns and sells them,
   brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
   and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.

One day, I will sell my wares.  For now, I will attempt to face each day with a smile.

When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
   and she always says it kindly.

Being an introvert, this comes a bit more naturally to me.  In general, I try to make my words worth-while.  I try to make sure they matter.  That if someone hears something I said, it was because it had value.  I live by the "economy of language" rule: why say in eleven words what can be said in four?

She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
   and keeps them all busy and productive.

I will not micromanage, but I will keep my household active in the fulfillment of responsibilities.  My daughter will be self-sufficient.  She will not rely on others to complete tasks for which she is capable of completing.

Her children respect and bless her;
   her husband joins in with words of praise:
"Many women have done wonderful things,
   but you've outclassed them all!"

While this statement is lovely, I adore it in the New King James version: Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her: "Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all."

Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
   The woman to be admired and praised
   is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
   Festoon her life with praises! 

Festoon?  Really, Message translation?  Who says "festoon"?

Head and Shoulders

My daughter likes the song "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes;" however, she always skips the shoulders part when doing the motions (and often the knees, too, but she's working on that part).  Tonight, as I was rocking her before bed, I was singing "How Deep the Father's Love for Us," as I typically prefer hymns over lullabies.  [Have you ever really thought about the lyrics to the lullabies?  They're disturbing!  Babies falling out of trees, and what-not.]  When singing the second verse to Aubrey, I sang the line that says, "...my guilt upon His shoulders," and Aubrey promptly jumped in with the hand motions: shoulders, knees, toes, and back to the head again.  She cracks me up.

In Good Hands

As November has begun, I have been reminded of the importance of expressing thankfulness on a regular basis.  It should not be just a Thanksgiving Day activity, but rather a habit that is exhibited in my life, day to day.  I have found myself in these past few days being made aware of the enormous blessings that I have been given.  The biggest blessings by far are my loving husband and my amazing daughter.  I can't imagine what my life would be like without them, and I could never fully express how full my heart is because of them.

My daughter, as I mentioned, is amazing.  She really has become the light of my life.  She delights me in ways I never could have imagined.  I am in awe, almost daily, of the new things she is learning and doing, and it reminds me of the wonderfully intricate way in which we are designed by our Creator.  At 15 months old, her language is impressive.  She signs and speaks, sometimes independently or in combination, quite a number of words and concepts.  (sign and verbalize: please, thank you, milk, eat, cereal, Mama, Dada, baby, ball, hat, bye-bye, hi, bath, blanket... verbalize: go, up, door, magnet, Boss [dog's name], rock-rock, diaper, blocks, apple, pumpkin, banana, puppy dog, book, shoe, sock, flower, cheese-toast... sign: friend, kiss, play, bed, sleep...)  She follows many verbal instructions, and, almost more impressively, knows when she is not supposed to do something, indicated by her proceeding to do said-thing while staring at the nearest parent/adult to see what reaction it will get.  As impressive as her intentional behaviors are, the thing that has most struck me has been an almost-involuntary reaction that I have seen in her.  A few days ago, she and I were sitting on the living room floor, playing with toys.  Our dog suddenly began barking loudly at a passing dog on the other side of the window.  My daughter's gut-reaction was to scramble across the two-foot space of floor separating us as quickly as possible so that she could plant herself in my lap and cling tightly to me.  No one taught her what to do when she was scared.  No one sat her down and explained (or demonstrated) how she was to react when startled.  She just knew, through experience, that her mama's arms are safe.  And when circumstances seem unsafe, you get to a safe place.  I understand that this is normal behavior, but for whatever reason, on that particular day, it really stuck with me as significant.  It made my heart fill with joy, knowing that, for all the mistakes I may make as a parent, I have instilled in my daughter at a very young age the knowledge that she is loved and cared for and protected.  I pray that, for years and years to come, I will continue to make this the overriding concept that I communicate to her. 

Communication

One of my favorite things about being a mom is watching my daughter learn and discover new things.  It has been clear for some time now that Aubrey's receptive language skills are developing well and she is starting to understand many of the things we say to her.  However, only just recently have we really been able to see a huge step forward in her expressive language.  While she is very verbal, she rarely says anything that could be classified as actual (understandable) verbal communication, but she has started using several signs to communicate her needs.  I am aware that she is by no means the first baby to successfully communicate in this way, but because she is mine, it just delights me!  It started with simple touch-correlation signs, such as me saying "where's your head" or "where's your belly" and her touching the appropriate body part.  (Those are the only two that she accurately identifies right now.  We are working on "toes.")  After that, it was as though a light bulb went off for her, and she started to realize that she could get me to understand what she wanted if she did the right motion.   She now regularly signs "eat/food" and "bed" and "teeth" (when it's time to brush her teeth) and "all done / all gone" (finished).  She will sometimes sign "milk" and I think is starting to pick up on "water."  She will sometimes still identify her head and belly when asked, although that trick is old news now and she isn't always interested in responding.

I really am just delighted when I watch her.  She is so wonderful.

Big Girl

After making it through the birthday weekend, Monday was officially ditch-the-pacifier day.  Baby Girl was only using it during naps and at night anyway, but after talking with the pediatrician about the way it was affecting her teeth, we decided it was time to quit cold-turkey.  A friend mentioned this weekend that my blog would be a great resource for new parents because "the Stone's have it all figured out."  But really, I think the truth of the matter is that the Stone's have a really fantastic baby who makes parenting pretty easy.  All that being said, project Ditch-the-Pacifier has gone surprisingly well and far less painful than I imagined.  Monday's nap started with ten minutes of mad baby, and then she passed out cold.  Bedtime was about the same.  The only down side was that normally when she wakes up in the mornings, she self-soothes and lays in bed for quite a while before insisting that we come get her; today, as soon as she woke up, she needed company.  The early morning wake-up, however, meant that we got two naps in today.  First nap started with only five minutes of crying.  The second nap, there were only about two or three minutes of crying, then she started singing along with her musical toy that she went to bed with.  It was stinking adorable.  (She did manage to find a pacifier that had been missing in her bed, so she had that in her mouth at the end of her nap, but I don't think she had it for long, based on the singing.)  The bedtime reaction could barely even be classified as a cry.  It was more the sound of the last-ditch effort of fighting sleep.  I'm really proud of her for adjusting so quickly.  Part of our plan, other than saving her teeth from further spreading, is to have her weaned from the pacifier prior to starting childcare later this month, and that is looking like it will happen!  All in all, a good day.  (Also got another "Tuesday Craft Day" project done with my pal JL, so it was good all around.)